Letters from Vietnam

Last weekend my daughter Madison and I were sorting through mounds of pictures I have of my family. My two older children will be graduating next May, and we needed pictures for their yearbook. As I pulled down one of the many boxes from my bedroom closet, I noticed a stack of letters I didn't recognize, held in a quart-sized ziploc bag. There must have been about 50 or so. Glancing at the address and postmarked date on the front of the first letter, I realized that these were letters my grandmother had received from my father while he was on his first and second tours in Vietnam with the Army.

I have no idea how I have these letters. I don't remember my grandmother giving them to me before she died, and I've never read them before. I don't have hardly anything from my dad. He passed away when I was 16 years old. Needless to say, I held the stack of treasures to my heart and absolutely wept.

This morning I spent the first two hours sitting in bed reading slowly through every word he wrote. There are things in these letters I never knew about my dad...like he planned to be a Minister of Music one day. He loved taking pictures, and would send my grandmother slides of all the places he would go. How I wish I had those slides! And at one point, he was finally forced to engage the enemy. He must have received a medal for this experience, and these were his thoughts on the matter:

"Mom, about the medals and all that riff-raff. For my own part, I don't want any. All they are good for is to wear on your dress uniform and have some yo-yo come up and ask what they are and how you got them. I know what I have done and I hope someday to forget. I'm sure not proud of what is done in order to get a piece of tin for your chest. Most people at home don't understand what war is all about. They don't know how it is to be made into a human "god" with power over life and death. Or to sometimes see a helicopter with friends of yours start taking rounds and finally to go down in an inaccessible place and finally to know that there's nothing in your power to help them - except pray. No, Mom, I'm not a hero because I have a heart and a conscience. Heroes have only ice-water where blood should be."

There are stories he held in his heart that tormented him severely when he would sleep at night. But again and again he would say that it was worth it. He was protecting his family back home...protecting the freedoms we enjoy and often take for granted. We owe them so much.

Today our country is celebrating Veteran's Day. I can't tell you how proud I am of the men in my family who have served this fine country, and the women who have faithfully stood behind them. When I look at our flag, it is a constant reminder of the blood, sweat and tears our men and women of the armed forces have committed to seeing her continue to fly for the next generation.

Please join me in honoring our veterans today...and every day.

a guilty conscience

"Under the old system, the blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a young cow could cleanse people's bodies from ceremonial impurity. Just think how much more the blood of Christ will purify our consciences from sinful deeds so that we can worship the living God. For by the power of the eternal Spirit, Christ offered himself to God as a perfect sacrifice for our sins." 

Hebrews 9:13-14 NLT

Ever have your conscience "prick" you? That niggling in the back of your mind that those words that left your mouth might not have been the right thing to say? Perhaps you indulged in a bit of gossip thinly veiled as a prayer request. Maybe passed judgment on a stranger. Spoke ill of your spouse. Criticized a loved one. Like the song we used to sing as children...

"Ashes, ashes, we ALL FALL down!"

We all fall down. We all make bad choices from time to time. We miss the mark. (God calls it sin.) And we are taught from the time we are children to listen to our "conscience", for it will keep us out of trouble. Right? Well, sometimes.

Because of the Fall, my default setting for my conscience was "guilty". But because I am a new creature in Christ and follow Him, my default setting is now set to "holy". Now I can have a face-to-face relationship with the Father. Because of Christ's perfect sacrifice, my sin doesn't separate me from Him any longer. The price for my freedom has been completely paid. I am wholly and dearly loved by the Father, and I am free to become the dream that He has had on His heart since the foundation of this world! But my mind needs to be renewed to the truth of these things.

I've come to understand that my conscience can be defective. If it sides with the truth found in God's word, then, yes - it's a good thing to listen to. But if it decides to side with lies concerning my identity in Christ or anything contrary to scripture, then no. And I refuse to give it the time of day. 1 John 4:1 says:

"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world."

Jesus came to cleanse us and deliver us from a guilty conscience - a heart that is totally focused on sin. It's okay to question the messages we are hearing in our hearts. We are commanded to guard our hearts diligently (Proverbs 4:23). Our life flows from this very place, and it must be protected at all cost. It is the blood of Jesus that purifies my conscience. Why? So I can worship Him in spirit and in truth. So I can worship the living God. If I hear a voice that dissuades me from that one magnificent purpose, chances are I'm listening to the wrong voice. I heard a pastor say one time,

"I can't afford to have a single thought in my head that God doesn't have in His." ~Bill Johnson

Now THAT is truth you can hang your heart on.

Have a guilty conscience? Take it to the Lord. He alone can see clearly to cleanse you and purify you and set you back on your feet once more. Ask Him for His perspective. He delights to see His kids free! Don't let it keep you from receiving His free gift of grace in your time of need.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us 

in our time of need." Hebrews 4:15-16