love myself

I'm not getting any younger.

I realized this today as my daughter helped me with a self-portrait project. Thanks to Picture Inspiration I had to get on the other side of the camera. Thanks Tracey. Really.

One of the things I do when looking at the pics I take is open them on my computer and zoom in. Real close. I want to see the detail in my photographs...the little things that stick out when you eliminate the noise.

Today I saw wrinkles. Lots of them. My daughter asked me not to photoshop them out. I complied. We'll see how much she appreciates them when they're hers. At least I know I'm raising her with a healthy body image.

Sigh.

I had an epiphany the other day.

I had just finished showering, and sat in front of my mirror while I toweled my hair. I was looking down at my body, and all of a sudden I was struck with awe. Completely gobsmacked. My body has nurtured and protected three incredible human beings! I don't know why this struck me with such a fresh intensity. Perhaps in the past I was too busy trying to fit into a smaller size pair of jeans, or that cute bathing suit, or trying to maintain the body I had before children. Until that moment I don't think I had ever stopped to wonder at the fact that I truly am, "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14). God takes it even further. He calls our bodies His temple. Wrap your brain around that with me. His temple. The place where His glory dwells.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Think about it. If the Queen of England came to visit your home, the whole city would know about it. And every time someone rode by your house they'd look to the person seated next to them and say, "The Queen actually visited this house!" The honor would remain long after the Queen was gone. Now look in the mirror. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you have the Holy Spirit living inside your body! When you give your life to Him, and seek Him with all your heart, He comes and takes residency within you. Makes your heart His abode. How much more should you treasure and protect His home? How much love and honor should you pay to the vessel that contains the King of the Universe?

So what if this temple is showing a bit of wear on the outside. Time is the great equalizer, and life leaves an indelible mark on all of us. Stretch marks and laugh lines. Older looking hands. A chin with its own companion, with a few white hairs for good measure (on my head, not my chin...yet). And those are just the things you see on the outside of me.

But that's not who I really am. Who I really am is hidden in Him.

I have lived life. And considering the amount of laugh lines I have around my eyes, I suppose I've lived it well. I am at peace with the changes, because I'm changing on the inside too. I'm not the same person I was even five years ago. I'm not the same person I was yesterday. I'm changing day-by-day. And that's a good thing.

Today I will choose to love myself in all my imperfection, knowing that as each day goes by, my inner-reflection is becoming more and more like Jesus. White hair will come, wrinkles will come, but I'm believing for wisdom to come too. And a larger heart to love those around me. And the sound of laughter.

"Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3:2-4 

do you have the time?

"(Mothers), do not exasperate your children;" Ephesians 6:4

One of the most valuable things we can do for our kids, especially as they become teenagers, is to make special time for them. One-on-one time. Face time.

I haven't done a very good job in that area over the past couple of months, especially for my middle daughter Madison. She called me on the carpet for it the other day...you know, for making time for everything and everyone but her. And I had to admit that she was right. And that was wrong. And so I headed to my calendar to fix my errant behavior. We had a date set for Thursday afternoon, and come hell or high water, we were gonna have some fun together!

And then...

My youngest daughter Rebecca became ill. She was sick for days, in fact. When I took her to the doctor yesterday, we found out she actually has walking pneumonia. Ugh. When I finally returned home from the doctor's office and the local CVS, I broke the news to Maddie that we weren't going out after all. Becca was running a high fever, and I didn't feel comfortable leaving her with her brother. And my middlest had a melt-down. I can't begin to tell you how disappointed she was. She really wanted to spend some alone time with me. So with the promise of breakfast the next morning, and shopping to her heart's content, we agreed to "try again tomorrow."

For those parents that believe that once your children become teens they don't "need" you as much, I would beg to differ. My teens seem to need me more now than when they were toddlers. I've loved every season they've gone through, but I truly love these years the best. So far they're bearing good fruit. Don't get me wrong...they're far from perfect, and so am I. But it's exciting to come alongside them in this season as more of a "coach" than a parent. Maddie and her brother Austin are on the cusp of adulthood, and beginning to make decisions that will affect the rest of their lives. My prayer is that they'll continue to want to spend time with us, share their lives with us, and look for our input when they have tough adult choices to make.

We ended up going to lunch instead of breakfast. I woke up at 3:30am, and couldn't go back to sleep until around 6:30am. I finally crawled out of bed stiff and tired at 10am. But we continued to make the best of things. Two cups of coffee and a hot shower later, we finally left the house. I took her to one of my favorite places, This Whole House, located in quaint downtown Summerville, SC. The food was delicious and the company divine. I even ran into a couple of friends from my Creative Memories days! The manager was so friendly, and even let me take some pics of her store. (Pssssttt...she's trying to sell her place to spend more time with her hubby.) You should drop in if you're ever nearby.

Lord, help me to cherish these days, for I know they are fleeting. One day my home will be empty, my schedule not so full, and I will wish for these days with teenagers once more. Help me to number my days aright, and give me a heart of wisdom. Amen.

an onion kind of day

I was taking my daughter Madison to her small group tonight when I began noticing the darkness all around me. We're driving along, and I'm noticing EVERYTHING. Shadow, contrast, headlights from oncoming cars...road signs. Somehow I want to learn how to capture good clear nighttime images with my camera. It's frustrating. I want to take a picture that will "see" as I see. I want it to be crystal clear, with no blurriness. I want to capture the light that shines out from the darkness. Is that too much to ask? *insert pleading tone here*

My mind is constantly working in metaphors. I suppose that's just how God speaks to me the most. He is also trying to get me to "see" as He sees. It's a constant battle, I assure you. But on those rare days that I do perceive as He does, it's like the floodgates of light and understanding, clarity and revelation come rushing into my thirsty heart. I get the supply I need for the day, and even have overflow to share with those around me. I love living life out of the overflow of what He provides! There's nothing quite like it.

Clarity. That's my word for this year. I had no idea when I picked up this digital camera that I would be immersed in a completely different world. I'm learning how to truly see. I'm learning to appreciate the details and celebrate the everyday. I'm learning consistency, and I'm being creatively challenged. Some days are frustrating. My youngest daughter Rebecca has been sick for the past couple of days, and today she ran a high fever. I stayed close to home. I ended up with about 23 pictures of a blooming onion today, and no, I'm not talking about the delicious appetizer at Outback. I'm talking about a real onion that has grown nice green shoots. (Maddie wants to plant it...) I appreciate the color, as it reminds me of Spring. Lord knows we're all ready to see that around here. And other than giving me an appreciation for onion skin, my compositions fell flat on their faces today. My daily pic I chose to edit and post today was from my Charleston trip three days ago. Oh well. Days like this are bound to happen.

That's just how life is I suppose. Some days my life is full of onions and isn't as "composed" as I'd like it to be. Sometimes it can be downright ugly! Some days are breathtaking and beautiful. Others are simply ordinary. But when I step far enough back to get His perspective, I can see the tapestry of grace He's designing all around me. The dark and the light and the contrast. And my heart is at peace once more because I know He holds the plan. All things do work together for good for those who love the Lord.